The Doubts so Far

So far I have been struggling to control myself to be what I want to be, I have changed but only slightly and I am starting to doubt if I could actually do it. But then I remember something of how someone saw greatness in me, when my after school teacher had his baby he brought him in then he said to me"I want him to be just like you." I guess that's when I realized I had potential I no longer wanted to do things because I had to but because I wanted to. I wanted to set an example, I wanted to inspire others I wanted to just spread myself. But then fifth grade came and friends started changing, some left it became worse in seventh grade were I just lost them I don't even think I have a connection with them anymore. That is when I started wondering what in the world is so great about me I, I say nothing but my memories say something else something different that I have power I have the potential to do great things. Are there really great people in this world or is it just power. I see darkness when I actually look around but I see other things in a persons eyes, something that makes me wander off into a trance that just keeps searching for something pure, something that I know I can reach if I just tried. I look for the good in them is what I try to do constantly, but the other parts of me keep altering it feels like I can't keep a simple grasp on a subject, I am starting to doubt myself I am starting to doubt if I am really different or if I'm just another one of those guys who cause damage to people. Am I different or am I just like everyone else can I sustain my vision of being every one's light I am trying my best to help through writing but when will I be able to help fully both physically and mentally. Right now I am fighting between the mind that just thinks of destruction, chaos, war, depression, darkness and Hell. I have lost sleep because of this part of my mind. The other one that sees hope, light, peace, balance, tranquility and Heaven. These two side are consistently fighting and I cannot chose one is walking more into the darkness and the other is trying to prevent it. In middle school I traveled more into the darkness I'm glad to say I was pulled out, by who I don't know I just remember the hand reaching for me. I guess some one is still looking over me, I hope that I can do what I want to and that is to be a Light I want to pull every one out of the darkness, all I need to do is win the war within myself. I need to have control for those reading this I need to say it may seem like I have control but I don't I know I help you guys all the time, and it never seems like I need help, all I'm doing is faking it I do need help but right now you guys are more important even if I have to lose a few battles I'll make sure I become a Light, I will become Light because I want to make sure you guys actually have a future. I am Light!!!!!!